It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize