He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
