I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
