I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
