He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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