on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
