her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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