Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
