just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
