he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
