Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
