i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
