well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
