I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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