I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
