Can Purell be used as lube?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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