this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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