I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
