i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
