why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
