Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
farters have to be the big spoon...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize