I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
