u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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