So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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