Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
