kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
