What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize