Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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