Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize