I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
