Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
