Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
