I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
