I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
