Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize