You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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