I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
