Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize