Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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