if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
barbara walters just said penis...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
