having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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