You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize