ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
