I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
