Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize