after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
