Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
