So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
