im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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