remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
