I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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