yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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