I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were trust falling into bushes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
