Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
