I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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