does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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