When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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