my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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