He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
