Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
