Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
