i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize