my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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