Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
