i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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