i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
